On the 8th day of May 2013 and that just so happens to be this upcoming Wednesday, the Great State of Texas is about to transform itself. Yup. The Great State of Texas is about to become “THE” Republic of Istexrael. Oh yes, it’s true.
Thanks to the tireless and tedious meddling of Texas State Sen. John Carona and Texas State Rep. Stefani Carter, Istexrael is born. Still born? Whatever. You can absolutely guarantee that the people of Texas were NOT informed about this little switch up. See the link I’m providing here -
http://www.texasisrael.org/pages/Texas-IsraelDay
Bet you didn’t know that Texas had it’s own Texas-Israel Chamber of Commerce. By the by, Texas-Israel Chamber of Commerce is a stand alone and completely different organ from regular good ole boy Texan Chambers of Commerce. Oh yes and, Stephen Austin is spinning wildly in his grave right about on the Humpday 8th of May. As would Sam Houston and Jim Bowie. Davey Crockett had no further comment as Davey is making “aliyah” and his people won’t be making any comments if/and/or until Davey gets back.
Governor of Texas Rick ‘swarthy’ Perry remarked, “I have no comment. I can’t be upsetting Jew contributors.” Jerry Jones, the notorious “owner” of Amerika’s football team, is happy to announce that he’s changing the team name of the Cowboys. As of the 8th day of May and from that day forward, Jones’ team shall be called “The Dallas Jewboys.” Seems fitting enough. Jones’ also announced that as soon as the “Team” changes it’s name, Palestinian Amerikans will have to show their papers to gain entry to Texas Stadium AND they’ll have to sit behind a wall that Jones is erecting inside his Colesseum. Jones is reported to be naming the name of his wall, the “Peace Wall.” Evidently it’s some kind of show of sympatico and solidarity with Occupied Northern Ireland. Amazing.
So pretty dang soon, what used to be a part and parcel of these here United States of Amerika will be one short. It isn’t like Amerika isn’t about a brick short of a full load as things stand now. Istexrael will be a Republic for which Jews stand and regular Texans are going to have to start making some serious changes. The Istexraelis will have to “convert.” To Judaism of course. That notion won’t be so hard for Southern Baptists and the disciples of John Hagee. You know, those zany Ziongelicals United for Israel. Now Hagee’s bunch will be for reals Istexraelis.
Anyone determining a visit to the newly minted Republic of Istexrael will have to get the proper papers and of course, Palestinians and Arab Amerikans will be denied visitation rights on general principles. You know sort of like how Israel discriminates against Palestinian and Arab Amerikans already? Hmmm, one could suppose that the notion is transubstantiational Semitic reprovalism. Cause if one ain’t got no Semitic approvalized approval, well, one is simply ass-out.
Every last member of ZZ Top will have to get themselves ‘brised’. If the ZZ Toppers are already circumcised, well, they’ll have to undergo foreskin repatriation and then get themselves ‘brised’. Google up ‘mohel’ for all the thrilling highlights and protocols. Hmmm, that would be the “Protocols of Mohelim” and if that ain’t about one thrilling read I’m not certain what might be.
The proud owners and dang fine Texan barbecue ribs cooks will have to undergo vitally systemic kosher re-education and kosher certification. Can’t be slapping pig flesh on that Texan ‘cue’ anymore. Damn, I do love barbecued pork. Oh yeah…
So there you go. Fundamental big changes coming to the Lone Star of David Texas. I dunno but, what in the hell were Carona and Stefi Carter thinking? Visigothery for a sad and soon to be very lonely Texas. I did the new Republic of Istexrael a favor and redesigned their flag. I’m always looking for ways to help my “friends” two states over. A salute to Istexrael -
